When we finally find what we believe is true love and commit ourselves to one intimate partner we are all hopeful that we will never have to experience the emotional agony that infidelity introduces into our love ?nest. When the worst happens, and we discover that our trusted partner has strayed into another?s nest, the emotional turmoil begins and resolve is rarely a simple feat!
At this point, our intimate relationship is in a state of chaos and we must decide? ? should I stay or should I go?? Many of us want to flee, away from the agonizing pain- horrific disappointment, deep sadness, ?tremendous anger, a desperate sense of loneliness, and oh yeah, the debilitating feeling that we have just been betrayed by the one we LOVE!
Although many of us do end our intimate relationships when our partner cracks our heart, some of us somehow find the courage to stay in the relationship and attempt to forgive, heal and repair our relationship with the man or woman we still love.
For those brave souls who decide that they want to stay and try to mend the broken trust it is usually a long and challenging process that requires lots of team effort and support!?So then, what happens when we decide to team up and forgive, heal and repair our intimate relationship and the unbelievable happens? the OUTSIDER refuses to let go?
The bad news?this situation is not unusual, even though it may feel like it should be, and it certainly should be! What do we do when a horrifically painful situation gets worse? WE TEAM UP!
The good news? although the process of healing when the outsider continues to disrespect and disrupt the sanctuary of our love nest is agonizing, ?it can ?be done ! As long as we, the committed couple, team up and both agree to focus on healing and improving the intimate relationship.
Recipe for success
Commitment to heal
Requirements
* The outsider should be contacted when the partner is present only if he/she can agree to remain calm and silent when contact is made with the outsider.
* The emotionally pained partner must witness her partner?s commitment to end all communication with the outsider by hearing him/her say? ? It?s OVER! I will never contact you again. I never want you to contact me. I love my partner and want to help my partner heal and remain in my relationship.?
* Next, trust must be reestablished in the relationship. Although frequently uncomfortable for ?both parties, honestly answering questions about the WHY?S is essential for healing and reestablishing trust in the broken relationship.
* Also uncomfortable, but frequently necessary, allowing your partner to check your telephone, text and email messages when he/she becomes insecure helps him/her to heal and trust again.
Commitment to repair
Requirements
* Honestly discuss how the outsider got IN. Identify the relational problems (?Was there something missing in the relationship? Lack of honest and open communication? Control issues? Resentment? Frustration? Anger?) What has to happen to ensure that the problem never happens again?
* Seek help from a professional to ensure that the relational issues are resolved successfully. Seeking professional help should never mean? focusing on the infidelity, but rather it should focus on strengthening the relationship-positive objectives only!
Commitment to follow through
Requirements
* When you discover what created the break in the intimacy, follow thru with a team effort and consistency to change the unhealthy relational patterns and close the opening!
Finally, if the outsider continues to disregard your request to move forward without future contact, share the information with your partner and again as a TEAM, write and ?send email or a certified letter that expresses the consequences of continued harassment to the outsider.
Additionally, use the same script that you sent via email or in the letter to contact the outsider ?by telephone repeating the exact message while your partner is present with the consequences for continued harassment. If the outsider continues to harass contact the police to request a restraining order; be prepared to prosecute!
Remember?a real commitment to heal means doing some tough stuff, but love can heal and prevail!
About the author
Dr Cheryl Burke is a doctor of Clinical Psychology. She has two practice locations in Florida, one in Orlando and the other in Delray Beach. Although Dr Burke?s offices are in Florida, she also works with clients across the country via telephone and video sessions. She specializes in relationship counseling and treatment for depression and anxiety. She is national expert on relationship issues. She is also a Supreme Court family mediator in Florida, which she practices in Orange and Palm Beach counties to assist people with resolving challenging divorce cases.?
To know more about Dr. Cheryl, visit her website,?www.holisticwellnessconsultingllc.
Related posts:
- How To Stop Choosing the Wrong Lover Over and Over Again
Source: http://infidelityinfo.com/what-should-i-do-when-the-lover-continues-contacting-my-spouse/
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